marcus
Drunk again. Marcus stared in the mirror, smoking a cigarette. He was wearing a shower cap that he couldn’t remember putting on. He texted a person who he had met once and referred to as his friend and he asked him if he knew where the shower cap was from. He sent another text saying Sorry i thought you were at the party last night, i was so wasted. Truthfully Marcus had been to no parties but but he felt a little embarrassed and he’d watched people and he thought this was how they talked to each other. Good save, he thought to himself, pretending to wipe his brow. Two hours later the person replied “Who is this?”
The sun was going down and Marcus could not reach the light switch and the bitches were out. It is fine I wouldn’t want the lights on anyway I am clinically depressed he thought. Marcus ate a lot of carbohydrates and licked his fur without thinking anything except Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit BullshitBullshitBullshit Bullshit Bull shit Bullshit Bullshit. And at one point he thought about how he was glad he never went to college. He poked grimly at a protruding lump in his stomach. Sometimes people did this to him and he sat there and did nothing.
Marcus didn’t remember being born but he remembered his mom a little. He turned on the television and watched Will and Grace in the dark and was very still. He felt that he would never move. Not for more beer or cheesecake or love, either.
bob saget
Mick Jagger, unnamed, Bill
Submitted by Robin
my friend robin’s dad with mick jagger
reblogged from myparentswereawesome
dear management (MGMT),
4) Concerning the couch that was outside:
We did not put that couch on our bushes, nor was that our couch.
520 calories
Catherine took her lunch break slow. She pulled up slow to the Chick-fil-A speaker box and she spoke slow and when the lady asked welcome to chick-fil-a would you like to try a combo she said no and she took a long time saying it. Thursday she went to Chick-fil-A and that day she ordered waffle fries and when they said medium or large she said i’m going for it and they said excuse me and she said large.
Once she had them she pulled into a parking spot in front of the nearby salon. She spent a bit of time getting comfortable with the ketchup. There was an incident on a plane once—she’d received her in-flight meal before everyone else because it was “special diet.” She was staring blankly at “Hitch” that was playing on the small screen in front of her for the third time and squeezed at her vinaigrette packet and it felt not how it was supposed to, the pressure was off, she looked up and saw that her dressing packet was ejaculating onto the old woman across the aisle. She, too, was watching “Hitch” and did not feel anything soaking her turquoise velour leisure suit. That suit looked so comfortable that it calmed Catherine down. A moral dilemma, she thought.
There in the parking lot she nervously made an adequate incision in a ketchup packet and doused the fries. The car battery was on so she could listen to Bright Eyes. About a potato into the ordeal, she glanced out the window at the car next to her. She gasped. A woman was sitting in the driver’s seat… Catherine was not expecting that! At that exact moment the woman looked at her! All at once she saw the woman’s face and the chicken patty the woman was eating and the grease and the sweat. Their eyes met and quickly diverted, Catherine stared back down at her lap. Her black jeans were covered in salt and she shut one eye and saw the Big Dipper.
“I don’t deserve to be this person
who is always depress
crying non stop
That’s why Depression is my middle name…
I can’t live like this
why can it be better?
Wasting my time writing this poetry
I am an
Idiot
Hopeless
Jerk
and others name
but also
Depress
that’s why Depression is my middle name”
—poem found on the “teen nick” section of Quizilla.com
“Kinda new to this whole singing thing, so your feedback, positive or negative, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. :)”
...
girl you make me wanna use lyrics in my away messages
Marcus was a cat and he had been drunk since eleven thirty in the morning. It was five o’clock now and he said jesus christ and licked his anus and by accident made eye contact with one of the girls in the apartment while he was doing that but any awkwardness he might have experienced was overpowered by hatred. He really hated her.
He gave up on cleaning himself and stumbled into the mamasan chair. He felt bloated. All that was on was George Lopez and the characters kept crying, why are all these assholes crying, Marcus was confused about that but was sure he was disgusted. During the commercial break he got another beer, drank it quickly and thought I am melting, I am nothing, is there an objective reality…
Marcus had indigestion. An hour later the blond bitch got home and said one time I was hostessing and this man insulted me and told me I looked shell shocked and I said what, what do you mean and he said are you thinking anything at all and I said I just have big eyes. Marcus ran up the stairs, he tripped once on the way. He crawled into her room and examined himself in the mirror. He thought his fur looked very nice. Marcus is sleek ebony.
He shit discreetly in her closet and then hotboxed it. Finishing up, he decided to “borrow” her bowl indefinitely. I am high as a kite. Outside everything looked like newspaper. Marcus checked his twitter and went to sleep.
i_had_the_time_of_my_life.jpg
i had a dream that dave matthews transferred here for a semester. he was being a real dick. he’d “borrowed” some money from one of my friends without permission and we were all sitting around the lunch table talking about what an asshole he was when he showed up with his tray. “oh, hey dave,” i said. i said it really loud because i was a little afraid, though i didn’t want to admit it. he sat down. my friend who he’d taken the money from said “so, dave, i was wondering, um, were you planning on giving me that money back anytime soon?”
dave smirked and took one of the kid’s tater tots, chewed with his mouth open and said “no.”
everyone hated dave.
